i think this might be it

I have come to realize through this blogging experience, that i am not an open person. i hate that every blog i write has only to do with the minor infractions i have with the public. i am not comfortable with my keyboard, I guess, to let it hear my true frustrations in life. not too mention that people i know look at this website, not that they care what happens to me, but i do. i don't feel comfortable putting myself on paper like this. it's just not me. so with recent happenings in my life leading me to not even care about how crappy working with the public can be, i think that my career as an amateur blogger must now come to an end. i am filled with rage, sadness, and depression... and no one wants to read about that. sorry toad, i just don't wanna anymore. thanks for including me in your website. i hope i'm still invited to its first birthday party. peace

I'll have the taco platter please

I am so tired of working with the public. I have been waitressing/ servanting for almost 10 years. That is so depressing. I work with many highschool kids who are just so excited to be there and talk with other "adults." Me on the other hand, patrons are lucky if they don't hear me calling them a jackass on their way out. I hope to all hell that I'm a good patron, if anything I probably annoy the waitress with apologizing for my existence. I'm just tired of helping people be lazy. Mmm, chicken club wrap. What's in that? ----well let's see, if everyone wants to turn their eyes to the HUGE board overhead, and we'll just CONTINUE reading. chicken, bacon... Why can't they just read on? Is that part of my job description? Make sure customers know I can read too, then they will feel good about spending their money at an establishment with literate employees. I don't think I would have taken the job.

On another note, I was wondering who actually buys Jessica Simpson CDs. Like, who? And on that same thought, what would said J.S. CD buyer think if they heard some Mike Patton material? What about S.O.A.D., or Clutch? Would they think it was noise, or what? My boyfriends mom buys Simpson type CDs. I can't say she actually owns J. S., but she owns Maroon 5. Can you imagine what their concert crowd is comprised of? 40 somethings and young teens- my worst nightmare.

One of the kids I work with told me that he doesn't know what's wrong with him, but nothing bothers him. He got in to a car accident the other day and he was like, damn, but then he was 'oh, well' when he realized it didn't really bother him. Last time I got into a wreck, I screamed "STOP! You dumb bitch! AHHH!"etc. After it was all said and done, I didn't know why I got so upset, I really shouldn't be allowed to drive at all. There should be a temper test that you have to be able to pass that involves being acosted by the dumbest drivers ever, before being able to attain a license. I am really jealous of this "not bothered" guy. I get upset when I spill something. I am such an ass.

Tonight Metal J and I are going to Lily's Mexican Food for dinner. Kilgor always suggests that it is the most tasty and authentic in St. Louis, so I'll report back on whether he's full of shit or not. Then it's Star Wars time. This morning I woke up and asked Johan if he wanted to go see Star Trek. that made me feel silly.

Kim and Mike had a beautiful wedding and I have to say, it wa one of the happiest weddings I've ever been to. Everyone was talking and laughing, the sun was shining, babies were playing and smiling. So happy to have been there- congratualtions and, no monster could not have been more cute.

Pictures of the Buffalo River trip should be up soon. I would attempt to do it myself, but I'm lucky to not expect toast to pop up out of the computer after I log off.

Seacrest OUT

so busy so bored

so i am doing a 30 hour practicum, working 40 hours a week, attending 12 hours of school a week, and i am bored out of my bloody mind. i have slim to none spare time, and i am just going through the motions. wake up, make the masses coffee, go to praticum, go to school, go home, sleep, repeat. with the exception of watching a few cardinals games, that is my life right now. i am not entertained, no golf, very little fun. even beer isn't working- and that's pretty bad. i really want golf. i can't wait until all the weddings and things that are happening to other people. i'm feeling pretty sad right now. not boo hoo, but like, pathetic man. i'm sure i'll go back to my happening self soon, but what do i do until then? i guess just go to the mattresses (like that one Godfather saying) and wait until school is over and me and the man are floating down the Buffalo River. aren't you jealous of this pathetic fuck now?

fucking with the follicles

first i want to say Congratulations to Kimba and yo man! just remember, i have two arms and one floor- just perfect for babysitting triplets! (Don't worry, i'll shuffle them around so no one feels left out.) Super excited for you guys and can't wait to see monster be an awesome big bro.

so i got all my hair cut off. look like a dike. a mighty fine lookin dike, but none the less. can you believe i actually let the man who butchered it cut it again. man i suck. he did o.k. this time, but i feel really strange. i guess i'm ok telling the ladies what i want, but have a hard time letting guys know. maybe i am a lesbian and don't know. actually i do know. i think it has something to do with being raised be a very authoratative father and a very approachable mother. either way, i'm somewhat satisfied with the lopping of the locks. my friend and i one day, for absolutely no reason, began saying different ways to say 'haircut.' clipping the curls, belittling the buzzcut, downscaling the do... yeah we know we're dumb, but it really was a lot of fun. i think. peace

A Hairless Christ

You are Deb and you could drink whole milk if you
wanted.

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by

Confusion

O.K., so those of you that know us, know that Metal J and myself are an item. I love that man more than I thought possible. i mean, i am not so much the love love person i guess. I'm totally the like like (Kimba- i hope you can feel me girl) person. you see, us women have so many terms for like, love, hate, loathe, that we could write an entire dictionary detailing what all these little fucking words and word gatherings mean. so anyway, love the man. how do you help someone help themselves? am i too close to him to be effective? should someone less intimate with him ( i guess that eliminates you toad, heh, heh) help him get some stuff in order? i just have this terrible feeling inside about how it's all going to work out. i wish there was some magical concert he could go to that would elevate all the doubts and worries he has about becoming more independent and all. (i have a feeling Prince would do it) but that's besides the point. i come from a family that is pretty confrontational. maybe to a fault sometimes, but it's very rare to have unfinished business at my house. johan comes from a very NON confrontational family. very rarely is anything ever talked about. do you see how me talking to him about this issue isn't very productive. he must feel that i 'm attacking him just for the simple fact that i'm talking about it at all, and i'm just aghast that he hasn't brought it up! whew! isn't that a fuck of a situation. i know this is a dumbass statement, but I HATE COMPROMISE! I hate it in a mullet, Natty light, okra- textured, stinky fucking feet kind of way. worse than compromise, i hate, hate waiting. you should see me on the highway. in fact, that was just me flicking you off a minute ago. lastly, i am hopelessly independent. i have been revvin and ready to get out of the house since i was 13. i moved out almost as soon as the law allows and have been ever since so (minus a few summers back from school) so here i am. madly in love, but i have to compromise my desires for my immediate plans, and i have to wait for him to be independent. the agony of love. ever want a fast forward life button. you know you wanted to just press it 5xs at the OBGYN or monthly doctor, as Kimba's dream lady said. well i would like to fast forward to independence. when he is happy, not depressed, and feels the way about himself that i do about him. does that make sense?

visual aid: me feel about him = him feel about him

peace

christ

ps congratulations new pope Benedictine XXVI

Pigs On Horses or, Happy Fun Day

Happy Beans

Count the Costs-Honor the Dead-End the War

AMF

Happy Fun Day

So johan and i went to the art museum yesterday and saw the Hero, Hawk, and Open Hand exhibit- an exhibit of American Indian art in ancient Midwest and South. WOW. and i thought i was crafty. www.slam.org shows all the future exhibits, as well as the American Indian one that is showing until May 2. then we had the lemongrass. oh fuck me. that is some good schtuff. it is on south grand and will put you on a food-induced high. seriously. it is so cheap and so wonderful. i suggest the spring rolls and chicken hot pot. it is one of numerous vietnamese restaurants in the 'hood, but there is never a wait and the staff is simply wonderful. so yeah, i had a great day. when we arrived at the art museum, the fuzz was all over the place. found out that protesters against the war and Bush were setting up headstones with all the names of American and Iraqi soldiers that have died in the past 2 years ( yes, it's been going on that long, can you believe it?) there were speakers and people playing music. to most, the turnout would have looked pathetic. but to st. louisans, we know we're not representers (no matter what nelly says), we're not show-er- uppers, supporters, or joiners. so to me, the turn out was pretty good. i have pics, toad will have to get them on here somehow. peace- have a good week.