Douchebag

Watch out for the brick wallers!

It's Tha Bomb, Yo.

I CAN'T help it. I just get off on it. I love this thing I do on the internet SO much, I just love it. Sometimes I'm bummed out about how my life is going and how my job sucks and stuff, but you know what? Fuggit. I got my own website. MINE! And my friends (the most important people in my life) contribute to it. I can't explain how gushy I felt when I saw on Candyland a photo I had taken about 6 mos. ago. She used it to remember a time ago. That's what this shit is for. Not for now, as much as it is. But for 10 years from now. Or 50. I won't wonder where all the time went, I'll be able to see, to remember. It's all here. Not my whole life, but the stuff that seems worth mentioning. And the pics. I added a Google site search (yes I am still pissed) to make it easier, because hey, we're getting a little long in the ears, and sometimes it's hard to remember that one post, or that other one, with the car. Man, If I spent as much time reading the archives as I wanted to, I wouldn't have written this. (That's not true. It's an old post before CSS, Photoshop CS, Blogger, and about a year of other shit that has happened. Funny, I used to think I could reach people. Mebbe I do, and don't know it.)

*********************

Enough with the faggotry, it's time for some Keel-Haulin'!

I Held Up A Bank Yesterday

and it is thanks to Mel, Kimba, and this website that noone was hurt. I went to the bank yesterday to get a money order to pay some entity that does not accept personal checks and is notorious at loosing cash. No, not a drug dealer, but a City Hall! (Imagine the indent is all spooky and ominous.) I walked confidently up to the counter of my local bank and stated to the first person I made eye contact with, that, "I need a money order from the $ in my bank accoutnt!"

NOTE: I didn't say "$," I typed it to save time. Now I must type extra explain it. This is all a feeble attempt at humor so you don't feel so bad about the next part. W h a t a b i t c h. It's the kind of bitch that comes off blindsiding you like a football in the back of the head. It's not the kind of I'm-mad-at-someone-else-so-I'm-taking-it-out-on-you kind of bitch, it's a different kind. Yup. The preagnant kind. W O W. What a mighty power.

First she looked at me. Ouch! Then she smiled. Umm...that's not a patient smile. That's the kind of Chiuaua bear your teeth smile. Either because you aren't tough enough or there is a 16 inch formica countertop between you and your prey and you can't reach them. Not yet, anyway.

"And how are you going to pay for this today?" Through the teeth. Or like Benecio Del Toro in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, "True da Teef"

Now remember, I said ^^^upthere^^^ "I need a money order from the $ in my bank account!" I spelt it wrong, too.

Still assuming that I was the customer, and using my pirate confidence reserve, I mustered, "With my bank account."

"Do you have your checkbook?" OH NO! It's the worst thing ever! I didn't! It was in my car!

"No, but I can go get it."

"No," she stopped me. "I have a blank here."

I dunno. Mebbe it was something in my voice, mebbe it was the horn on my hat, but somehow I broke throught the outer bitch and into it's soft, embryotic core. You see, I know this teller. I've been going to the bank longer than she has been working there. But I'm a pirate Captain. Through and through. We pirate's ain't exactly well known for being social. I know lots of people by name. I know who the are, what they are about, and where they work. Sometimes I even know more. But I don't really care. I have lots of things going through my mind, and I'd really rather have someone do all this mundane bullshit for me. But I still know who you or they are. And I've been noticing that this girl, about Mel's stature, had been getting bigger.

Not just bigger, but...I dunno. Preggos get sort of an aura about them. Awareness like a Captainor a ninja, but a sort of hormonal cluelessness like a... I dunno. Much like a newborn who has just opened it's eyes, and can see everything but cannot comprehend any of it.

These words do nothing to describe a preagnant mother, or her beauty, and I'm a bit beyond lost in the effort.

So anyway I got my check and she smiled at me when I left. A different smile. A sort of a Thank you for your tollerance of me as I tollerated you kind of a smile. I am still pissed, but fuggit. She's preagnant, hormonal, and I don't even know if she's got a baby's daddy. Maybe that's why she was mad. I'm not him. Or mebbe it was the horn.

It's Here...

Massive Photo Post

I've got some stuff to say, but I thought this would be more interesting! YARG!


...Disc Golf...

Battle Box with Gnu

Gnu loses his new toy

Tomsass and Kilgor

Group Shot

Kilgor tosses Gnu out of the Box for the win!

K's new ride. Pretty friggin' sweet. Are those ape hangers? Yup.

Tomsass and R. WITH LASERS!

Click Here To See A Thing I Made!

AMF

Right Now

Right now the music is too loud, because THEY HAVEN'T PLAYED ANY HEAVY
SHIT! AT ALL! I say "they" but I mean HIM. I could kick HIS ass, take
the laptop he uses as a sound system, chuck it, and hook up my MP3
player as a suitable replacement. I could, honest. But I won't. I
think I should.
Captain Toad, on the go!

Uncle Jim

"...well, his girlfriend must be related to J-Lo."
"Jim!"
Captain Toad, "pretty friggin' sweet, huh?"
"Yeah. It's like Dolly's boobs. I want to see them once, but I don't
want to live with them."

Preach on, brother Jim.
Captain Toad, on the go!

House Of Cards

The cards are being gathered together again, and that's a good thing.
I'm getting stuff done finally. Web pages are being created and
updated, and projects are being finished. Keep an eye out for changes,
they are gonna start rolling through.

I just had a lady tell me that she wasn't going to place a 75 dollar
order tomorrow because she had been placed on hold for 5 minutes and
that was very rude. I'm not pissed anymore, and I'm not the one that
put her on hold, but I have a few pirate observations:
1. She should have just hung up instead of just being a BITCH.
2. Where the hell else is she going to find a sandwich delivery place?
(Nowhere)
3. I didn't want to make or deliver a 75 dollar order tomorrow anyway,
and with her atitude I'm pretty sure the tip would have sucked.
4. It was probably that bitch from F-------c S--s.

We have a log of all of the complaints we get from deliveries since
9-12-02. It is about 1 page long. F--------c S--s is over 50%. Every
time we deliver there they complain. My boss even told me that he'd
take the deliveries if I wanted him to. That way they couldn't
complain. Bitches. Hair-cutting,stupid, ugly on the inside bitches. I
make their shit right, every time. Just because I can.
Captain Toad, on the go!

Misc

Captain Toad, on the go!

I'm Bored

I'm bored. Right now. That's all
Captain Toad, on the go!

Happy Birthday U.N.

(Oh yea, and sorry the country I was born in has made a mockery of you and everything you stand for. Go Rams!)

Note scrawled by President of the United States George Dubya Bush at the United Nations 60th anniversary celebration:

"I think I may need a bathroom break, is that possible?"

It's totally true. If you don't believe me, then friggin' google it. Here, I will.

Lots of good somments, all around. Read them, and if they sound like they were wrote with a pirate hat on then the are probably what I would say here _________________.

AMF

(Just for the record, if it comes up on a test or whatever, the actual date is September 14, 1945. Yea, I knew it. SO what?)

A Special Request

OUT of all the lunk-heads I work with, yours truly is the one that was
specially requested to work at a sister store. I worked with the owner
one time, and all I did all day was play with Gnu's Gameboy, but for
some reason she wants me. I wish it was like the old days, then I could
name a price. But the boss is smarter than all that, he'd just replace
me.
Captain Toad, on the go!

Fixt It

Read the last post first if you don't know what "it" is.

I have worked straight since I last posted, and I finally fixxed the video. Progress has halted, tho, because I hav eto work a double tomorrow.

I did learn a lot about flickr's file structures, though.

Annoyed

Yeah, it's pretty bad. I just re-loaded the Anniversary movie to review it and finish it, and half of it's gone. My half is fine, somehow, but the half that was dedicated to Kimblahg is G O N E. Shit. That was a lot of work. Like four hours, gone. SO I can either release it as a tribut to my page, made by me (LAME) or I can re-do it. Shit shit shit. JTHM is done, tho. I'll put it up in a few days.

*sigh*

AMF

I Can't Remember

Some stuff happened today. Some stuff happened yesterday too, but none
of it is worth mentioning. I'm here, tho. And I'm alive, too.
Captain Toad, on the go!

Mid-day Report

Nothing to say. I re-arranged my room last night. It looks good. I
actually made a little more space than I had, which helps. Tonite I
hope to finish JTHM and the new main page. We'll see, tho. The last few
days have been pretty unproductive.
Captain Toad, on the go!

A Pearl:

'Like Papa Mario always used to say, "Tools are like your friends: Take care of them, and keep them close to you and they will always be there to work for you."

I sort of skipped golf today. I mean, noone called me besides Kene today, but I know when and where to be, and I know everyone's phone number. But I didn't show up or call, so...draw your own conclusions.

Today I woke up at 11:45 am to the sound of my boss on the phone. I'm sure you know what the conversation sounded like, but here it is anyway.

"Hello?" I didn't think I had to work today. I Assumed that since I hadn't worked the previous two Mondays, the boss had let me off of all of them, because of football. I don't work sundays (at all) because of football, and I just figured that I wasn't going to work at all on Mondays because of football and disc golf, not specifically in that order.

I was wrong.

"Is [The Captain]there?"
"Arr, this be him."
"You running a little late today?"
"Huh? I have to work today?"
"Yea, I put you on day shift because football season has started."
"ARR! I'll be there in fifteen minutes."
"It's no big deal, don't come in stinky."
"Arr, I be fine."


I was 2 hours, five minutes late. For work. Not fired, just late. Which meant the new guy got my driving shift. Bummer. It wouldn't have been a big deal, and the boss even said it was his fault for not calling me sooner, but I dunno. Last night I had a dream I walked out, and got on my badass motorcycle and rode. It was sweet. My first, I own a hog dream. They've always been Race bikes before, and usually a version of my old R6 anyway.

That dream, I take as a sign. As much as I want to quit, I can't. Not until I can afford INS. for my old man's bike, anyway. then I can quit, and get on it and ride away. Besides, I've never gotten so little, actually NO shit [from anyone] for being any amount late to work. I was friggin 2 hours late! There are times where I would have fired my ass. Instead, I get a "it was my fault" and a "Thanks a lot" at the end of the day. I mean, the thanks I get. I'm the Captain of a pirate ship, and I work for this guy for 6.50 an hour, as much as he wants. 40 hours is okay, but I can do everything. I behave as a store manager should, except I don't order people around. I actually have the luxury of doing almost every myself, correctly.

For 6.50 an hour. That's the other edge of the sword. I keep the store running well, for friggin' 6.50, or I can make an average of 10$ per hour (more like 8-8.50 after gas, and I haven't repaired my car yet.) and All I have time for is doing dishes. DISHES! It's one thing as the Captain to step up and help out the crew. I don't mind helping the Crew as well as The Ship to maintain optimum opperating effeciency,* but I sure as hell ain't going to do no dishes. You could [almost] train a monkey to do dishes.

But LO! I do dishes for 5.15 an hour, plus tips. Which is the natural order of things. "He who makes the most, does the worst." This is a truth common among non-upperclass folks. And Pirates. heh.



Here's a Pirate website!

You wish.

Blogger is messed right now, pray for the Hurricane victims, or do like me ant TOAST.

Nobody Thought I Was Coming Back

I had a bad day at work today. Nobody was on their shit, and it was a huge mess. I was pissed. Had it been a Pirate Ship, or any other ship for that matter, I would have mutineed. And I know what happens to Mutineers.

I was instructed, amidst a long line of incomplete orders, to fetch change for the register. I went. To the Shop n' Save as I was told. I entered the store and precurred 25 of the 100 ones I was instructed to get. Then, I went to a nearby Mobil and they told me that because it was a weekend, they could not give me any ones.

Hmm... I'm already out, I don't want to return to the store and have someone else have to get change, (reminds me of the sign shop. In amidst of a S.N.A.F.U , just fake what you can) I went across town to MY bank, the best bank in the world, and had a friendly and familiar teller (actually the Bank Manager, BTW, because sometimes the Captain has to fill in) offer me not only change, but crisp, clean*, hand counted, one dollar bills, and all the quarters and pennies I could want. [40 and 200.] This trip took about 35 minutes, with the usual change run taking around 5-10. Damn SHop 'n Save Biddies.

SO when I got back to the store, a lot had happened, and NOONE thought I would be back. Ladies and Gents, I only had 125$ on me. I make almost that much in a week. 3-5 years in jail is not nearly worth 125$. If it get's that bad, y'all will be the frist to know. I'll continue my name as Jamal Manuel, and it will be in spanish. Or not.

But yeah, it got pretty bad there, tho. And It didn't get better 'till Gnu stopped by, and then I remembered that no matter what, I have real friends. Friends, the people you don't work with. The people that give you slack, and know who you really are. It's just a job, and I should Shut Up about it.

AMF

B.O.B.

B.O.B.
Originally uploaded by Master Toad.

Suggested Interest

Soo many people want your money. I know someone who doesn't, but maybe she's a good candidate anyway. Or, you can always bookmark this for later when things cool down. That's what I'd do, but I haven't (yet)

Swag

Loads of new 704d gear over at the store!

Lock It Up

WOW. I'm over at the otaku dot com right now, trying to download thier banner so I can chop it up and make a button for the start page. But I can't. It's pirate proof. There's a clear .gif implanted over the masthead, like Saran Wrap. That would make me stale air. But I can't do it, so now I'll have to eventually get around making my own. Respect, tho. Wait, I have an idea.

Damn. Nope, that ain't gonna work.

I am actively and viciously doing laundryI am actively and viciously not cleaning my roomI am sort of but not really trying to figure out a hinge for my old Xbox to turn it into the coolest backpack or purse (not for me) everI am trying to figure out what to get MetalJ's cousin for his wedding Fuck! it's on the 24th! what do I do?I might start drinkingI am getting ready to shower, and then work on the main page, and hopefully the anniversary videoI wish I had time to play Guild Wars

I'm not sure, but I think that some of the people at work know about the website. I almost told Doyle aka Shy from KRT about it, but didn't. They have been calling the kid "kid" a lot lately. Just for the record, Kilgor started that. Plus, the kid (no, the other one) called me Toad the other day. I don't know if it's because it rhymes, or because HE KNOWS! Either way, noone has said anything about it, but there's enough swag in my car to give it away, if anyone wanted to look.

AMF

World Class Bending

As if there was a prize at the end of the road, Tomsass is finally
leaving. My god, I need the sleep. It was a good week though.
Activities included:
*Not finishing two games of golf
*1000 games of pool, leaving me behind 1 game.
*Frickin blazin' wings, man
*a trip to White Castle at 3am
*Taco night
*2 matching skull pipes
*Website drama
*A small bottle of Jack Daniels
*A large bottle of tequila
*4.00 pitchers of Bud Light
*1 Delerium Tremmons
*1 too few limes

And that's all I can recall. Now, I get too sleep. One last question
before I go, though.
Tomsass, where did I drop you off at, and who drove ME home?

Heh.
Master Toad, on the go!

A Dream...

I'm too adaptive, she said. She'd never go home because I'm too adaptive. Is that what I am? adaptive? Yes, but who isn't? how can you live if you can't adapt yourself to any situation? Roll with it, go with the moment?

I also totalled my car in the dream, but ti's okay now. bad omen tho.

I Got Everything I Need (Almost)

I had a chat with my pirate buddy, the Captain of the Limewire today. We had a chat about some things (Pirate stuff) and he hooked me up with a few things he thought I could use. Photoshop CS (the latest) and Illustrator CS 10. Ever since I have known, Adobe has made the very best software. They also have the biggest fleet and I don't dare wish to venture near their shores, lest I be be-headed. However, the Limewire is a merchant ship, and she can travel most any waters. I also bartered for Adobe Type Manager, which I used at the sign shop. It's a now defunct program, and it cost me a pretty penny. the gain is I'm going to be launching a full blown cafepress store in a few months. Lots of shirts, lots of designs, and a whole page dedicated to B.O.B.. I'm going to have to drop a pretty penny on the new uniforms, but i think it might be worth it.

Now I need to talk to Admiral Apple IIe to steal a spare video card and a scanner. He's a bolsterous fellow, always frequenting the pub with way too much gold and too big of a mouth.

Wish me luck.

AMF

Normality

So I guess what I experienced the other night was a moment of
Normality. Being so weird myself, the mundane, everyday occurances of a
perfectly normal family seem bizarre to me.

Don't get me wrong, Gnu sitting at the computer for an entire evening
is NOT normal. But a father working 40+ hours a week and stressed out
by his children in the hospital needing a night all to himself IS.
That's why I'm here, yo? I don't have $ to throw around and I'm not mr.
Fixit (honestly, I'm not) but I'm a warm body with arms and I can still
do stuff. It's just unfortunate that all this happened on the same
night. I just wish that Monster could watch videos while I worked, and
that would be "playing." Oh well, if it was easy it wouldn't be any fun
would it?!!

I do enjoy playing with Monster. Not so much what we do ( I've never
like trains that much, and the videos are cool but we don't get the same
jokes.) I enjoy it because he does so much. The crazy way he screams
like I'm attacking him when we play tag. The way he abuses his toys
just like I used to. Just wait till he discovers he can TAKE THEM APART
with a screwdriver or a hammer. Either way. I'd like to get him a race
track with cars that you can soop up like I had as a kid, but I think
he's a little young. Mebbe not.

So ya it's my failure as a human that I don't enjoy the activities we
share, but I'm going to continue "expiramenting" until I find something
we both enjoy, like blowing stuff up or shooting guns. (Kidding)
AMF, on the go!

T-shirt Idea

Front: whoever smelled it dealt it.

Back: picture of B.O.B. With a thumbs up and the quote "I smelled it"
Master Toad, on the go!

I Just Don't Get It.

I was at kimba's last night after work finishing Johnny The Homicidal
Maniac which should be done right NOW. But it isn't. Almost a week
late now. You can't hold it against me though, I had to put it on hold
to play tag with Monster. Why, at such a late and crucial moment did I
have to stop working to paly with a five year old? It's not because I
love kids, I'll tell you that much.

I was making progress. I was powering through the last page like a pro
and doing good work too. All the while, Gnu sat there.
I was off work at 5 pm, at Kimba's by 505 and Gnu was already sitting at
his computer. Oblivious, headphones blaring, he sat playing guild
wars. I walked up behind him, screamed I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! And
scared the shit out of him. I love it. So I sat down and worked till
Kimba came home with Monster from wherever they were. Said hello to
Kimba and brought in some bags of stuff then went back to work. At this
point, as I recall it, or maybe an hour later Gnu finally got up. He
went upstairs, and I assume they got into an arguement over something, I
dunno. He went out back, smoked a cig, and went back to playing Guild
Wars. I continued to work, and eventually Monster came back downstairs
and asked me to play tag.
I had planned on playing with him for a while after I finished the
comic, but it was bogging down badly and didn't have time just then. He
went back to Kimba's room and I continued to work and Gnu continued to
play. Oh, and Monster continued to torment Kimba. Heh.
I was tired. And I was slowing down. And then Monster reappeared.
"Captain, are you ready to play tag yet?"
"No, not yet."
"I'm sorry mom, he's not ready yet! He yelled as he ran upstairs.

Oh. I see. Kimba needs some "me" time. I guess the Captain has to
step up and help out. So as soon as I finished the panel I was working
on I yelled "Okay, I'm ready!" or something like that. I wasn't. I
obviously needed to finish the comic or I would have been playing video
games too. Plus, I have ABSOLUTELY no interest in playing with a five
year old. A character flaw, I guess. But I gotta be me. So I palyed
with monster. We played a little tag, and watched some Scooby Doo until
I was about to fall asleep. I did it for Kimba, mostly, because her man
wouldn't.

Monster was unhappy I was leaving and started whining and doing that
five year old thing so Gnu got pissed and yelled at him to stop being
annoying. Then he went back to playing his game. I left, the comic
unfinished.

I just don't get it. Okay, he's not the "father." And in Gnu's defence
he did take Monster to the Carnival today (should I have capitalized
that?) and will probably buy him everything he wants. But you know
what you can't buy? Time. The biggest beef I had with my old man
(we're cool now) was that he worked 2 jobs so he could buy me and my sis
nice things. We had (still do) a ski boat, our own cars at 16, a pool,
a nice house, and lots of other nice things. But all I really wanted to
do was play catch and wrestle.

I just don't get it. Does reserving a day of fun for a child shunt your
daily responsibilities? Is Monster not one of Gnu's responsibilities
because he's not his kid? He's still the "father figure" anyway. As a
parent, aren't you supposed to put the needs of your child first? Is
attention really a need? Monster needs friends, but I'm a 26 year old
man. We have nothing in common. I've been pondering this all day, and
later I'm going out drinking with Tomsass. He probably won't shed any
light on the situation, but it will be fun.

Please, readers, give me something to go on on this. I'm not judging
anything here. I would handle the situation differently, but I usually
do. I just hope Gnu doesn't show favoritism to his offspring over
Monster. I KNOW that's bad for a kid.

...I just don't get it.
Master Toad, on the go!