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Labor Ready Part II

Here's the rest of the Labor Ready story. It's not finished, and probably won't be. Frankly, it just depresses me to even think about that place, much less show up for work. If you bitch enough, O reading audience, I'll consider finishing it, but I doubt it.


I took a look at the rules and regulations. It was all basic stuff. Mandatory drug test. (Not really) Mandatory attendance (Likewise) and a few other things. Scott told another fellow to ride with me, because I had never been there before. "Actually, I don't have enough gas to drive to Illinois." That's when I met Bob. Bob was a regular construction worker with a day off. A real go-getter, I guess. He was young, and clean, like me. A little bigger in the shoulders and a little taller, but he had the look of a momma's boy in his eyes. It would be no problem to get a ride from Bob. In fact, he was already giving a ride to another guy, so he was more than happy to accomidate us. I sat in silence, as I usually do, while Bob and the two old-timers chatted. I had the opinion that the older guys knew each other, but they spoke as if they didn't. I guess that's how it is for most people in the morning, though. That odd, disconnected feeling of trying to wake up that I despise. It's hard to focus on anything, much less be at 100% like I usually am. Even though we stopped for coffee ( I drank a Mountain Dew) it was a slow, groggy (and frankly lame) 40 minute to the job site. As we arrived, they asked me if I had my liscense on me. It seemed like an asinine statement, or query as it were. Throughout my whole life the only person I have known to not regularly carry their Liscense is my best friend Gnu. That boy forgets everything though. Why would you go to a job that requires you to drive cars without a liscense? I was immediately entertained by a story of how one of the guys forgot his one day, but was still allowed to drive. An apology of sorts, I guess. That was a frequent theme that arose that day. No one wanted to step on anyone's toes. Work nice, play nice.We go tto the job site, and as it turned out was simply a big, grassy, field. There was a huge line of trucks and minivans on the far side that ran lengthwise, and another that ran down the short end. We were greeted by a willowy woman in a purple Durango. She was thin, slender, whatever you call it. All bones, if you ask me. She wore sunglasses and a thin, determined look. Adorned in a yellow-green t-shirt and white shorts, articles that practically hung from her shoulders and hips."Has anyone NOT done this before?" She asked.Bewildered, I raised my hand. So did Bob."I've done it before," Bob clarified, "but not here.""Okay, both of you get in the truck." She stated, bored. "You drive the trucks over here." She pointed to the far end away from the trucks as we drove toward it. "The hardest part is the colors. They go red green yellow blue, and then there are the glow colors."I struggle to recount precisely the words she spoke, because in my mind I would like to explain it to my readers clearly[ITALLIC]. However, this is exactly how the information was given to me, so bear with is, please."It's easiest for me to remember the colors like this," she continued. "Red-green, like christmas, and yellow-blue, like the rams. And we always leave room in between each row for drive space for the carriers. See the cars sitting alone with their gas caps open? That means the batteries are dead or they don't run. Next are the glow colors. They go glow orange, glow green, and glow peach. All of the glow colors have either a V or an L because the colors can fade out in the sun."Intelligent question number one, which was stupid if you knew what you were doing. You and I don't. "How do we know what color each truck is?" I asked."It's in the car," she replied like she never had before. She continued. "It's important that you park the vehicles in the right row. If one gets shipped to the wrong destination, it costs us 500 dollars. Be sure you know where you are going. If you don't know something, ask. Also, make sure the car is unlocked, the roni is in the window, and the keys are in the cupholders. It usually takes a while to remember what color is where, so don't be afraid to ask. also, besides colors, there is CASS and Fleet." She drove by and pointed to a blank area of field in the middle. "that is CASS, and that is FLEET. They don't have colors." I was clueless which was which, but I figured by the time I got there, I'd know. I had learned on the ride out that you cannot back a truck up without a spotter, and not to screw around.

Oh, Good.

I'M screwed. We might all be, for a minute. I'm not sure yet. But I know I am. Of that I have no doubt.

Quick rundown of my problems in a numbered list, because no matter how bad it is they can't take my numbered lists:

1.Money owed to state for taxes-$400
2.Money owed to credit card-$500
3.Money owed to car insurance co. due 8-8 or canceled-$157.00
4.Money owed to bank account where the server fees just came through-$75+$60 for server fees (if they cover it)+$25.00 overdraft charge.
5.Money left on pre-paid cell phone $.018
6.3 days till site re-vamp, and I got no ideas.
7.Got no money fo rma birthday, either.
8.Money owed to my old man-$157.00
9.Next paycheck comes 8-8-05.
10.Money made from website in the first year-$1.00

I'm in a very bad way right now. Financially, anyway. I feel OK, I'm being positive and optimistic (as much as one can be by ignoring the enivitable) but There's an axe looming over my head, and I have no idea when that candle is gonna burn through the rope.

Do you smell smoke?

[sic]

I have seen this

[sic]

All over the place. I'm sure Kimba with her massive knowledge and grad school experience will know that it means,

[sic] latin for: thus

used after something transcribed verbatim, literal copying of text.

As in: emails, poorly written blogs, and letters.

AMF

SCORE!

It's hard to contain my excitement here. First, let me explain. When I went to college, I got to use the very best equipment. Apple G4 dual processor computers, and 24" cinematic flatscreen LCD monitors. The G4 processor is still the very best, 7 years later. Better than Pentium, and MMX technology, and the Blueman group. The 24" cinema display, well, see for yourself. There were also 52" inkjet printers, laserprinters up to 24", and everything else you could want. Since then, I have struggled as a designer. I have increased my skill, ability, and the overall quality of my work at least 10X. Likewise, the quality of my equipment has well, hit the pooper. At the sign shop I had a crappy pentium 3 400 computer that had no RAM. The printer was 48 inches but it was 10 years old, and I had to buy my own materials. Thankfully Kimba has a copy of Photoshop on her computer that has allowed me to at least continue my work, but it's still not a big screen. It's noce, don't get me wrong, and I'm glad to use it. But the problem is this: I need a lot of space. I always have. The sign shop was never big enough. My house is too small. And so on. What I need, instead of a small monitor, is a HUGE monitor. Or, two smaller ones. With two small monitors, (smaller, I still would prefer [2] 24" widescreens.) I can keep all the toolbars on one monitor and use the second as an actual drawing board. At one time, the sign boss's wife had promised me a second monitor, but she took it back a day later. (You remember how it was, right?) So I lost that chance. Granted, It would have helped me make more money for the shop, but fuggem'. I don't work there anymore. Move to the present: I'm bitching about how the kid is late to work yesterday, and I notice a monitor in the dumpster. Chances are it's garbage, but WTF I'll use it for another break stuff video. I finally dragged it out of my car this afternoon (evening) and noticed it's actually bigger than my home monitor. The actual viewing space on my monitor is 12.5 inches. It was listed as a 16 inch monitor, so there's a lesson for you. Monitor size and screen size are NOT the same. The monitor I found is 18 inches, with a screen of 14.5. It's bigger, but not by much. But guess what?

IT WORKS! It frggin' works! It's discolored around the edges, but for the toolbars it will work fine! I can put the color toolbar right in the middle and the rest don't matter! Now all I need is 25$ for a new video card, you need two to run two monitors. That's it! The mouse will scroll between the two as if they are connected. It's kinda weird at first, but awesome!

These two rabbits were doing it in the parking lot, but stopped when the flash went off. Not porn rabbits.

Tuesday night lights. as much as it looked, it didn't really rain. Can you figure out where this picture was taken from? Post the correct answer, and I'll but you a shot.

Social commentary: While the free monitor will enable me to do stuff better and faster, I don't inderstand why it was just pitched. Could it not have been fixed, or repaired? I know some poor kid would like to have it. Or at least could use it, yo? Like so much of today's products, if something is slightly useless, it will be tossed out and replaced. I'm the same way. If given the choice, one day I will pitch the cool monitor for a better one. I won't care about how it is now an internet superstar, it has a story, or how I saved it from the trashman 1 minute before it was destroyed. I won't, however, just toss it in a dumpster. I'll give it away to someone who can still use it, or destroy it myself. And I'll make a movie of me destroying it. And it will still serve a purpose.

From now on I'm oging to start dumpster diving behind all the computer places I see.

Sigh...

So here I am, at work, waiting for the kid to show up. We're both
scheduled to work at 8 am, he asked if I wanted to come in at 8:20 so he
could sleep in. I told him it was cool, I'd just wait for him. I
forgot I don't have a key, and I have to clock in. So not only do I
have to wait for 20 more minutes, but I don't get paid for it, either.
I'm deffinately gonna have to take charge over here, and friggin' soon.
Stupid kid...
Master Toad, on the go!

"It's kind of thin, really. ...I don't think he wanted to do Family Guy again. They just offered him so much money, he couldn't turn it down. Fox, with their deep pockets, and Cartoon Network [Adult Swim] with their intensly loyal fan base... I just...it just seem thin to me. -And I'm entertained, I still love it, but...It's not The Simpson's, ya know? I mean, as people our age, we've seen a cartoon go triple platinum. It's like, what? Fourteen seasons? That's ludacris. The man should [be allowed to] go on to better things. -Or different, anyway. But hey, ya know. If I'm wrong, I wouldn't be surprised. Mebbe he likes it. Just seems liek the same old jokes, is all."

Master Toad, on Seth McFarlane's "Family Guy"

Season 4

My Job

FIRST things first. For some reason, I thought that Aug. 6th was this Saturday. I don't know why, I guess I'm excited enough to delude myself. That's a relief, really, because I'm still broke. I want to spend [Buku] Boo-Koo bucks at the party. Oh, and BTW C. freaked out when I suggested we go Kareoke (sp?) and LOVED the idea. I'm not (as you all know) the type to get up and act a fool of myself, but I had this idea origionally and C. Loved it. I need to email her and ask if she called the bar yet. Oh, yeah. She wants to go to this Korean bar over at the HoJo we've never been to. It's her obligation {read:pirate duty} to call and make sure they do Karaoke (sp?) there. If not, and she doesn't call, or whatever, yell at her, not me. The only other option for entertainment is demolition ball, and I've already made one reservation this year. Besides, I dunno if my fatass will fit in their little bumper cars. It's [the reservation at Shogun] slated for 14 or so people, which means we're already overflowing to two tables. So if you are thinking of coming, go ahead. There's plenty of room.

So I started my new job today. Yeah. First time I've woken up at 7 am in over 7 mos. That part sucked. I'm going to spare all the details, I've worked for sandwich shops before, but here's some high/lowlights.
*I'm starting at a higher rate than usual, because I have "experience." Last year at this time I was just getting ready for a raise to ten dollars an hour. I ain't makin that much now.
*I'm not sure exactly which part of the day was worse: cleaning the meaty water at the bottom of the meat cooler, or the country music. It wasn't hotdog flavored water, but ...you get the idea.
*The place smells like Mr. Goodnuts. I LOVE Mr. Goodnuts. I love sandwiches! I almost took a bite out of the sandwich I was making like in the commercial. In fact, it was the very dorky dude's face that flashed by my face that kept me from doing it.
*Hot chicks love sandwiches too! I forgot that part.
*I found out that Goodnuts bread had no preservatives at all, which is why my day-old sandwiches taste kind of funky. (I thouhgt it was the lettuce going bad.)
*NO Cellphones, Leave them in your car.
*I read a rule about you are not supposed to have more than 4.00 on you, in case there is a money issue. It's an actual rule. they tell you to leave it in your car as well. If you have more than 4.00 on you, you will be implicated in the event of a problem.
*There is also a rule that if you quit with out notice, your last check will be paid at minimum wage. This actually happened to me once, and I was always curious if I should have sued or not.

AMF

My Job

First Day! I'm leaving as I type. Y'all should email me and wish me good luck today. Labor ready 2 in 10 hours (or so.)

Blockbuster is Fired!

IT'S a simple matter of math, really.
*Amazing post from abroad! (Kimba's)*

So Saturday night I went to rent a video game at Blockbuster. I rented it with the last few bucks I had, seeing as how a week or two of video game seemed like a decent way to entertain myself for a low cost. Could have bought beer = 1 night of fun, rum = 2 nights of fun, videogame = 14 nights of fun. Simple math.
I picked out the game I wanted, took it home, and it didn't work. The disc was scratched beyond beleif. Great. I drove back to the store. Now, remember, I'm broke. Driving uses gas which in turn costs money. Now, instead of seven bucks for a video game and .50 (no cents sign) in gas, now I have spent 7.00 on the game and 1.00 on gas. nevermind the cost of time, I'm unemployed. Time is free right now.

I go back to the store, and explain the problem. She tells me to pick out my second choice of game. Okay, fine. I handed it to her after waiting in line again like a proper gentleman. I had to wait 6 minutes while the counter nerd tracks down my game, and then (as I figured after the first minute) the box was on the "floor" but not in the store( I went there so much I know all the Blockbuster slang) and she was sorry. But, if I'd like to pick another...Like I had a choice. I pick out another game, and take it home. Guess what? Yea! It didn't work either. Exhausted, I sit and watch motorcycle racing re-runs and Celebrity Get Fit all night. Next day, I return the game for a copy of the first one I checked out. I get it home, turn on the old XBox, and...No, you won't believe this. It was the same disc. The exact same one. Bewildered, I double-checked the number on the box (they all have a sort of unique bar-code) and it was indeed the same. THE SWINE RETURNED IT BACK TO THE SHELF. That's 7.00 for the game, and now 1.50 for the gas mileage. Well, I would have quit right ther, but what can I say? Watching overwieght, depressed, has-been celebrities is BORING. I went back, and got another game. I'd have done better to put my 7.00 + 2.00 in gas on a bet on Russian Roulette with four bullets. At least there would have been some chance involved! No, the fourth game did not work either. 7.00 = 2.50 in gas, I was prepared to cut my losses. I was remorseful of never returning to blockbuster, but at least if I could get my 6.99 back I wouldn't have to spend more time slamming them in an article that most assuredly is taking too long to write.

Before I finish this story I would like to lament the fact that Blockbuster under NO circumstances will refund your money. Don't bother trying.

I returned for the last time to Blockbuster video. I entered the building clutching their useless product, confident that a company that I have done business with for more than 10 years would handle my problem with grace and dignity. It was a simple matter, really. I have rented over a hundred games and movies a year, for ten years, and I would simply like to be refunded for the one set of poor services I had recently recieved. Indeed, if this problem was handled with a modicom of sincerity or tact, I could concievably return one day, after my anger died down. I spoke to the first person I saw. It was a fellow with curly hair, and he had been there every time I returnede a game in the last few days. After the friendly, impersonal greeting he saw who I was, and his face dropped. I explained my problem to him that yes, this one was useless as well, and I was done renting from them. I told him I would like a refund.
"No refunds." I heard from behind me.
"Huh?" I asked, confused by the interuption. It was a unshaved, goateed twenty-somwthing like myself. Finally, I thouhgt. Someone who would be able to identify with my plight.
"No refunds. We aren't allowed to give refunds, ever. I can give you a credit on your account for 6.99, but that's it. I'm not supposed to, but it's the best I can do for ya." He was trying to half look at me, and half look away. I believe he must have been stoned.
"You don't ever give refunds?" Many images of my friends and family blowing their tops and yelling or ranting over a 99 cent burger or a 3.00 surcharge on their phone bills screamed through my mind. I, however, remained calm.
"We aren't alowed to," the twenty-something said. "These games go through so many hands-"
"Forget it." I cut him off. I had had enough, and wasn't going to be placated by a drug addict.
"Just return my game and make sure there aren't any late fees. I'm never coming here again." I brushed past him, wanting to be rude and vulgar but was neither. I said nothing, I wanted them to think good and hard about how upset I was. I doubt they cared. Them seemed more relieved that I didn't cause a scene.

I wonder, if I had caused a huge scene, yelled and ranted, screamed and shook my fist with fury, if I would have goten my money back? I doubt it. Blockbuster seems like they have the lock down on all their cash, and with the entertainment industry changing, they are going to need all they can get. THE END OF LATE FEES? Try the end of Blockbuster.

So that's pretty much it. I'm going to call their 800 hotline, and I'm going to spread this story around as much as possible. Should you continue to patronize Blockbuster? If you don't have problems, I don't see why not. This is just one man's story. I'd advise you to look at what you are spending your money on, though. Supporting this kind of corporate mentality allows many people just like me to be abused and taken advantage of. At first, when Blockbuster came out, I was excited to see the selection and open, clean stores. Not like the old closet video rental places who had to practically line their ceilings with videos. But those were places where you knew the employees. The places where they would show you where your video was, instead of pointing and stating, "It's in comedy." Sure, they weren't always in the best mood, but they were real people, man. If I wanted to rent a video or a game from a computer, I would. In fact, from now on, I will.

My Job!

I finally got a job. I'm going to be a driver at Mr. Goodcents. 2 of 'em, actually. I'll be the go-to guy. I'm not sure exactly what all it will entail, but I'm sure I'll mention it. I'm going to drop the Blockbuster story after this, so don't think I can write that fast, It's been in the works for a while. Labor ready part 2 will come out tomorrow, I'm editing it as we speak.

Yestarday I started the day with an interview at a pizza place, a stop by at Goodnuts (that's what we called it in high school) and then I hocked as many of my DVD's as I could so I could pay for another year of domain registration. Registering a domain name is different that server fees, you simply pay to own the name "704d.com" Not you, but I did. Server fees are where you keep all the actual information. In theory, you could use a home computer as a server, some people do, but it puts it at a high risk of being hacked into. Your PC and your website. So it's easier and safer to pay someone to use their secure servers. there's also a secure certificate you can spring for that guarentees how safe your site is (many college servers will not allow access to site that do not have the certificate, I found that out from Anna) but I'm not fronting the cash for that, yet. (Nevermind I don't have it.)

After I sold my DVD's I went to Triple A's to see Mel on her last day. She gave me the macromedia bible, my god it's huge. I thought the Photoshop book was big.




Geez. Mel said that her douchebag boss had been avoiding her all week, but when I told her MY old boss didn't even show up to work my last two days, she seemd a little happier. I hit the jon, and what did I see? This is weird.



This is the custom Clutch sticker (1 of a few) I made for Johan. He stuck this sticker on the trashcan like over a year ago. It looks good, but it's obviously a clutch sticker, and it is *slightly* crooked.



This is the inside of said trash can. Not much to see. No can liner though, and the perfect place to put a 704d.com sticker. I thought so, anyway, about a year ago. Mel's retarded, confusing anal boss REMOVED THE STICKER FROM THE INSIDE OF THE TRASHCAN. There was also a murder happens sticker, a local metal band. It's gone too. I think, as hard as Mel might try to explain what was wrong with her job, this right here says it all. I don't even know what to say about it, except that I shouldn't have given Charles all of the stickers I had on me the other day. I'll obviously have to return.



After I left TripleAsshole I went down to the Magpie Cafe. (I'd link to their site, but it sucks.) Hung with Kilgor, Homeless Terry, and U.B. (Uncle Bob) I hung there for a while, and then headed for Vivian's Vineyards, where Metal J was finishing his last day at work as well. (Weird, huh?) Here's him after he clocked out for the last time.



Then, We partied!

Happiness is...

These aren't the hot wings I got at Vivian's. I got these last Saturday when Gnu, his manager and I stayed up til 3am playing Magic the gathering. Fun shit. But I did eat wings at Vivian's. And drink. But not as much as these guys:

After Vivian's we went to The Old Millstream for last call, and we saw the family of 'coons that inhabit the sewers and feed in their dumpster.





Good times, and now I have a job. Here's a few nice sentiments to end with:

Does the back of that guy's head say 009? hmmm...

AMF

One last thing...

I lied, here's something worth noticing.

I'm not saying what it is, but once it get's rolling you'll figure it out.

Kene and Ra

Kene and Ra
Originally uploaded by Master Toad.

Kene's parents were out of town a while ago, and we chilled for a night. They are remodeling, the picture does nothing to show all the amazing and crazy things in his house. I've nothing else to say right now.

Annoyed

Using a bigger, more powerful fan to blow the dust off of your celing fan is a bad idea. Unless you had a big shop-vac...

Movie!

I have postponed the release of the anniversary video until after the party, I want to see what kinds of nonsense we come up with. Still accepting song suggestions!

Golf...

Interesting conversation at golf today...

Secret Agent 009:"Who is BUNNY!!!?"
Me:"BUNNY!!! is someone I used to work with. He works at-"
009:"HE? BUNNY!!!'s a dude?"
Me:"Yea, well you have to know him to get the humor..."
009:"Okay, so who's the hot blonde who put her picture up?"
Me:"It's Kati. She's not old enough, dude. She's only (I'm totally not saying.)"
009"Wow."

I also hit a rabbit with my disc on Monday, but Gnu was the only one who saw it, and no one else believes me.

Flash

OKAY, I'm done. Mel's going to lend me a book from her school on monday, and I'm sick of battling a program I don't know how to use. [Yet] You can see how far I got on the Flickr page. It is kind of funny, It's so poor.

Macromedia Flash

I just downloaded the free 30 day trial of Macromedia Flash. I have 30 days to create, produce, edit, and publish a flash cartoon that is good enough to earn me 500$ so I can buy the real version. What is flash? Odd TOdd uses it. So do the people at newgrounds. Can I do it? I won't say no, but didn't Mel find the college taught class too hard, and drop it? Then again, I am a genius...

Annoyed

I can't sleep, but I need to to go to work tomorrow. I can't work on the video, I'm to tired to be creative right now. I can't practice guitaur, my fingers are sore. All of our premium channels on our cable just went out, because they were a free trial. Gnu has my Xbox, and there is no more Rum. I guess I'll watch Ninja Scroll, but I don't really want to. I'm tempted to take sleeping pills, but 1. I'd have to at least double the recommended dosage because they didn't work at all last time, and 2. I have to be awake and driving in like 5 hours. Lo! What shall the Captain do? I feel like Keel-hauling something, but I don't have it in me. I can't wait to release the video, though. It's good so far.

Maddox is a Bitch

Maddox, who runs a slightly popular ego/hate site, has posted his own feelings on, ugh, Blogging.
I find it kind of funny, but I suppose that If I had a popular website and then started a [ugh] blog that no one read, I'd be a little resentful too. Especially if I was a dumbass like him and posted it under a moniker* instead of a name that I was known for. Raoul Duke, anyone? Hunter also liked "Benjamin Franklin." Still, if you only read like every other word then it's relatively quick and expletive*-free.

Linkorama

*(guess how long it took to look that up.)

Title:

I'm not being lazy, I've just spent about 7 hours working on a video for the anniversary. It's not really FOR it, but, like, it's an anniversary video. yeah. Am I even spelling that right? Um, here's some cleaning products, and I got word from our sponsors, it's going to be all good. (their bad)

Pirate Insults

I went to the insult-o-matic, and it had Pirate Insults!


Yarr! I be a pirate, ye scalawag pirate... Scupper that!.
A black spot upon ye, ye scurvy-infested sea dog... Land ho!.
I'll devour yer parrot, ye scalawag bucko... Scupper that!.
I'll reduce yer ship to rubble, ye salty swine... Belay that talk!.
Enough with yer bilge, ye parrot-loving landlubber... To the poop deck!.

Labor Ready

It was a wretchedly early morning. I had taken massive doses of sleeping pills the night before in anticipation of the 5 am wake-up call I would be recieving. All to no avail, I woke more than three times the night before. Nevertheless there I was, awake, at the Labor Ready office at 5:30 am.
I approached the front desk. It was the only object that defined this stark, white, sterile room as an office. There was a coffemaker, a soda machine, and a television the size of a pea perched on top. It told stories of Fourth of July accidents, trials, and traffic. It all fell upon blurry, fuzzy, caffeine-ready ears. Scott, I believe was the man's name, asked if he could help me. He could not. At this point, far after the fact, the only help I would recieve would be my own.
Regardless I told him I was looking to do some work. He handed me a pamphlet and what appeared to be a credit card reader and told me to plug it in and follow the instructions. It was a test, the first of many I would recieve that day. I sat down to a haggard old man and I assumed it was his wife, and began to answer the questions that would shape the course of my day. Have you ever wanted to hit someone? No. How often do you take recreational drugs? Never. When do you drink? Before work, during work, or after/never. After/never. 48 questions in all, all asking the exact same thing in various forms and levels of deception. Some of the questions were worded so vaguely that I had to read them several times in order to process how I would tell them I don't do drugs, drink on the job, or hit people. I returned the test to Scott (I'm sure that's his name. I heard someone else talk to him) and sat down to veg out.
Hurray! I was sitting in the one open lawn chair in the vast emptiness of the room with a broken back. Fear, began to creep up my spine. Of all the uncomfortableand bizarre things to happen in the past few days, this was the first thing that was actually bad. Buck up, I told myself. You are the Captain and a pirate. You have survived wars with monsters, aliens, and everything else God could throw at you. You have stayed awake for days, and slept for years. You have defeated the Flood, the Covenant, and every one of the Allied Nations. It's just a chair.
Scot called me up, siad I passed the test, and handed me an application and a safety quiz.
"The questions and answers to the quiz are in the white binders over on that table." He stated as he pointed across the room to a table and a clown. "Just go through it and find the answers, and then we'll see what we can do for you." He stated this, not with the standard monotone I've done this a million times voice, but as if he was really talking to me. I was not ready for this, and was put a little on edge. The clown helped with that. After I finished all the paperwork I went back to sit at the table with non-broken chairs. This was the first time I really looked at the clown. He was about my height, fatter, wearing a green plaid shirt and dark blus overall shorts. He was filling out a national guard postcard, and then he wadded it up and put it into his pocket. Next, he walked over to a fan and turned it on, faced it the other way, and then sat back down. I realized he was trying to get a rise out of someone, turning a fan on a group of strangers in a freezing cold room, but no one flinched. I was amused. Next, he scooted his chair over to mine, and sort of rolled over in his chair and picked something up off the ground.
"This your ticket?" He asked me.
"Huh-uh" I replied.
"What the fuck are these numbers? 15,20,30,7,11,50?"
I looked over and it was some sort of lottery ticket.
"I dunno" I replied and looked away. I was suddenly very sick of this kid and the mischevious, stupid look in his eyes.
Scott called my name, and I walked over to him.
"Do you have a good record?" He asked as if he couldn't care less.
"As far as I know."
"Good, take this and have a seat, I'll have something for you in a few minutes. Sit tight."
I did just that. Unfortunately, I did it next to the clown.
"Is this your ticket?" He asked me again, as if it was the first time. I was half expecting a squirting flower.
"No." I replied flatly. Yes, deffinately sick of this guy.
"Well I guess I better throw it away then." He got up, and walked outside. This was the last time I spoke to him.
I took a look at the paper Scott gave me. It said VASCOR on top, and had a list of rules and regulations. I gathered that I would be moving vehicles of some sort from one place to another.

To be continued...

All-Star Game

TO: Kene and Metal J
RE: All-Star Game

I did not ditch on you guys tonite like it might have seemed. I came home to find that my parents had violated my space by searching through my entire room. A fight ensued, followed by about 250$ worth of damage to my possessions. I have not been kicked out of the house.

Yet.

-Toad.

Self-Portrait Day

What's up, self portrait people? I'm on the front page! Hello to the regulars, as well.

WOO-HA

A few quick things about me that aren't on the other site.

*I created and maintain all of 704d.com

*I am seriously addicted to hot wings. So much so, that I don't like to talk about it.

*Part artist, part designer. If you know the difference, are female and single, look me up.

*The unofficial mascot is B.O.B., a character I created when I was like 13.

*There is no 404 error page for this site, because I'm afraid it'll suck. Plus, in the back of my mind it's denial. No 404, no errors.
*On the good ship 704d, we work hard, and party harder.
I like to take pictures, and need a new digital camera, so if you want you can click on some ads or buy some merchandise. I would really apreciate that. This is a lot of work, and I do it only because I love it, not because I get any money out of it at all. I mean it. We have t-shirts, no one buys 'em.

AMF

Updating...

I just finished going through the graveyard and fixed all the broken links. What else is there to do for 4 hours on a sunday? I wish Gnu would answer his phone...

Last Night...

Had a good time last night. Saw just about all of my friends at one time or another. Went bar hopping around Main Street, ended up over at Metal J's doing Tequila shots. (I'm okay now, but he just called me for Margaritas. Sheesh.) I got to go see Mel last night too.

It's weird, yo? We all are in this little web community I've created, the good ship 704D, but like, that's the first time I've seen Mel since she joined. I actually got to talk to her face to face about the website (not really, I was drunk and she was working) but I did ask her a couple things, and we got 'em ironed out. She looked good to, man, but shit. It's mel. The only time I've seen her not look great was after a three-day float trip from hell. Must be good genes.

{MELf}

Anyway, I'm still working on the Labor Ready story, it'll probably be a couple of more days, but it's good. Interesting reading. It was a weird day, and there will be more of them in the future, I fear. Picture!


See? That one wasn't that bad. The shine is from her inner beauty. My camera is cool like that.

This one came out pretty good too, if you like that profile/3 quarter look. She was totally paying attention to me, but didn't want to show it.

But as it turned out, after I propositioned her, her husband is a pirate too! Just kidding. I've known R. and C. for years. Doesn't seem like it though, does it guys? Remember when we first met? I don't. Probably at one of Metal J's BBQs.

Metal J, in repose

AMF

Chew Gum, Get Paid!

Okay here it is. The official website of the people who paid me to chew gum.

Enjoy.

Hmmm...

Hmmm...
Originally uploaded by Master Toad.

I think it's going to be a foot stool, but it's big...

For The Record...

I just want it to be known "Hurting My Nuts Is Not Good For Anyone."

Stella

The new show on Comedy Central "Stella" sucks donkey dong. Kimba and I tried to watch it the other night, but we turned the channel at the commercial. She looked at me, confused, and stated "It's not funny." In fact she did that several times in the first 7.5 minutes. This "show" or whatever was completely devoid of content, slapstick, sarcasm, or any form of humor at all. The funniest part of the whole show was when the landlord came up to the apartment and they had to scramble to clean if. Being totally anal douchebags the apartment was completely clean and organized. So the trio of tards rushed to fluff the pillows on the couch, beds, and (Here's the funny part) a pillow they kept in the kitchen pantry! WOW! That is funny and origional!

Why write all this? So that all of you who were like me, idly curious of the show, will NEVER WASTE THE TIME. Don't bother. Slam your hand in a door. Lick a light socked. Turn off the TV like I do, every time I see their ad.

Question

Man, I hate these meme things. I hate putting all this thought into myself, but I really hate being called out by name, Kimba...

Three Things...
3 NICKNAMES YOU HAVE HAD: Tater-Tot(BTWilga/OJeff), Re-toad(Troy and the Millstream Crew), and Wonderboy (Coach Beard, 9-12 grade)

3 THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: The Horn, My brain, and damn I'm sexy.

3 THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: Height,the OCD Control Freak side, and my current income (eternal)

3 THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: Constant Nightmares, Sobering up, and recently a little Tom Cruise.

3 OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS: Camera, Watch, Wallet, Car Keys, Lighter. (There is no fewer amount of essential things one must carry. If you have to ask about the lighter, then you have never been trapped under a car at the bottom of a ravine without one. -No, I haven't either, and I don't plan on it.)

3 THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW: T-Shirt from Chicago trip, Green shorts, and underwear. [LAME]

3 OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS GROWING UP: If I grew up, don't tell me, Please. Okay, bands I've always liked since I first heard them: Clutch, Primus, and Weird Al Yankovic. I know, I'll delete it later, so you better print this while you can.

2 TRUTHS AND 1 LIE: I hate it when I scratch my nails on the roof upholstery of a car. It is the worst thing ever. My Ex (it's in there) used to do it to just to piss me off. It worked.

3 THINGS YOU CAN'T DO WITHOUT: Bananas, Blow, and an Island in the pacific. Wait, what was the question? [reads] Oh, that's not right. Not right at all. Much better than my answer, though.

3 THINGS YOU MOST CERTAINLY CAN DO WITHOUT: Coffee, Cops, and Crackheads. (At least I have a choice about the coffee.)

3 PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION: Japan, a cruise through the Carribean, and Chicago. (I liked what I saw, Okay? I'm being honest.)

3 THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: How should I know? Okay, make the Fear and Loathing run from Vegas to L.A. via Baker Barstow and Purdue. HOLY JESUS! WHAT ARE THESE GODDAMNED ANIMALS?!!! Recognition, for a hard life lived well. I would also like to "DO" Juliette Lewis. And by "DO" her, I would like to have a happy life and a family. And bang her from behind.

TAG Mel and Candy, - you're it. You must answer these questions now.

My Niece, Tristen

My Niece, Tristen
Originally uploaded by Master Toad.

Can you belive that I am related to all that cuteness?

A Dream...

I had this dream last night... Kilgor took me over to Ludacris's house. It was great. We were sitting there by one of his two pools, and I was all like, Holy Shit. I am sitting in Luda's chair, in his house. He is right there. He was sitting across the pool chillin' with his crew, and I called in mine. After that, for a reason I'm not entirely sure of I jumped into the pool with all my clothes on. Then, after a few laps, I noticed that the piece of plastic that goes between the ladder and the bottom of the pool was floating around the pool. So I grabbed it, and dove under the water to put it back. It didn't fit under the first ladder, but I could totally hold my breath for like forever. (This was odd, because usually dreams where I'm under water I usually wake up gasping for air. I guess cuzzz it was Ludacris's house, and I didn't want to act a fool, I just didn't drown.) By the time I got out of the pool, Luda and one of his boyz were out getting chicken and beer. (This is all true, I swear.) Johan showed up, as did Kene. Kene joined Kilgor wherever he was and Johan told me that he talked to Luda, and he was going to let him borrow his pet cardinal for [not entirely sure here.] So we went into his zoo which was really just the back of his garage. Johan said the bird was tame and there was the cutest little cardinal tweeting at me. He looked like he was asking me what was up. I reached into the cage and pulled the little guy out. He immediately took flight. By flight, I mean that he could jump very high. Llike 10 feet high. And I let him out of the cage.

We had another cage for him that Johan brought, and my psyche decided that using Johan's cage was better than Luda's. Sure, why not. So I chased the bird around, catching him and losing him, when I finally got him on the school bus Johan and Kene came on.(!) He immediately flew to the back of the bus and out the back door, and I yelled at Johan close it behind me, and I'd bring him to the front again. We finally got him into the cage, and he was getting really wild, but he could fit out of one of the holes in the top. In a last ditch effort to make the thing work I grabbed the Cardinal, stuffed him into the cage, and HIS LEGS FELL OFF. I guess I pushed too hard...

"We have to tell Ludacris about this right now." Johan stated anxiously. I grabbed a newspaper.
"We don't have to. We could just-"
"Toad. We HAVE to tell him, right now."
"But he flew away! It's better than I killed it."
"Toad."
I wrapped the little bird and his now bird-sized legs up into the newspaper, and we headed in. Ludacris was having a party with a thousand cool people I wanted to make a good impression on, and I had to tell him I killed his bird. Not just his bird, but his cute, talented, one-of-a-kind jumping cardinal. Swell. We got into the house just as Ludacris got back with the chicken.
"We have to wait," I said. "Till after lunch, at least. I will not tell him while he's eating. Think about it."
"Okay, we'll wait."

I couldn't eat anything, so I went around back to the porch, still carrying the dead bird.
"Watcha got there?" A skinny thug-type asked me as I sat down. I got back up, headed to the garage where I could hide out and replied, " A newspaper, mumble mumble," as I walked off.

After that I spent most of the day asking people where Ludacris was, trying to track him down. Every group of people I saw him with, it was like he was a social ghost. I could never talk to him. I guess my mind wasn't sure how top play out the confrontation. Weird.

On another note...

My mom drives a 1999 Buick Century. It was recently hailed on, and the insurance company is going to total it. But the car is in fine condition. In fact, it was just recently serviced. So she's keeping the car, paying some dude 250 $ to repair the dings, and going to keep driving it. But she can't sell it. Since it was totalled it is oficially "Totalled, scrapped, trash, gone." We are not sure what to do. The Moms is going to keep driving it, and dad says when it really s done, he'll just have it scrapped. I wonder if he can part it out? Mom keeps the leather interior real nice...