Poor little Girl...

THE CARDINAL RULES OF [A Clutch] CONCERT ETIQUETTE

1. If your mother has to drop you off, pick you up, come with you, or if you even have to phone your mother during the show, you should not be allowed to have a ticket to said show. Nope. You do WHATEVER you have to to ge to the show.

2. If you are not of a reasonable weight, do not insist on jumping up and down or moshing. Even if the band commands you to. No one wants to see that. Revision: If you are too massive to get airborne, toss a little kid into the pit.

3. Do not show up wearing a [Clutch] shirt of the band you are seeing. Or of any other band, for that matter. It just makes you look desperate and blend in with the crowd. Not true. Members of the Clutch brotherhood of Pure Rock Fury should sport their shit as much as possible. Make yourself know by sporting the old-school oval logo instead of one of the others. We were Elephant Riders since day #1.

4. Do not purchase a shirt before/during the concert and then proceed to wear it before/during the show. Unless you are dying of hypothermia. Once again, not the case. Buy everything you can, and burn whatever non-clutch clothes you have. All of 'em. Sport them colors, Bitches. But you always look cooler when you wear old tour shit. Duh.

5. Do not make phone calls during the show and pretend that you are actually able to hear the person on the other end. We all know that you’re just trying to look cool. Well, Most people are stupid. Make phone calls to me from other tour dates, and let me listen to the show. I'm down. But don't yell at me like I can hear or I would care what you say. I just want the music.

6. If you must make out with your significant other during the show, at least have the common decency to do so in a dark corner. Yea, right. If you try that shit during a Clutch show, you'll get a whole mess of busted lips.

7. Don’t whine about how you were injured in the mosh/circle pit. If you’re in the pit, you’re really just asking for it. Take it like a man and bear your battle scars proudly ...If you enter the pit, and get hurt, find a way to hurt someone else worse. It doesn't matter who. a girl, a little kid, whoever. Hopefully it will be the guy who hit you, but if not, smash the police, your parents, or mebbe a corporate idiot. Or, idealy, an entire corporation. I was dissapointed in the pit last show, and I hope the STL bitches can do a little better next time.