A Quote

"THE best thing he could have done would have been to soak the skateboard and his pants and then rode it down the thing so he would have caught fire on the way down."

-The Captain, about 3 minutes ago.

fIGHT yOUR wAY oUT OF a pAPER sOUL

I woke up in one of those moods again today. I want to call into work. That's the first thing. But I can't because I'm going camping this weekend and I don't have the cash to skip it. So I have to go to work. The very worst reason. SO I get to work and I don't want to be there and I don't want to deal with everyone and their individual types of bullshit and I don't have a choice. Everyone has a crosshairs on them today. I don't want it to be like that, however that is how it is. Immediately everyone notices that I'm not talking. I don't want to talk. Don't want to play in all of the retard games that the morons I work with play. Don't want to hear anyone say my name the way each and every single person says it. In their own cute little way. I don't want to talk to the shop retard about how wasted he got this weekend. Don't want to be told exactly how to do each and every thing I'm doing by the self-proclaimed shop foreman. I know he's going through a lot of effort to teach me how to do stuff right but Today I don't care.

I eat lunch silently, as all day long everyone I work with tries to bring me out of my shell of hate and loathing. They can sense something is wrong, but noone has any idea of what. Every attempt of consoling me just makes my angrier. The only people in the shop who leave me alone are alcoholics. They seem to understand not to bother this one and to just let him work. It's not a hangover. Not from alcohol. It just happens once in a while. A great while. The stress builds up and like a blowoff valve every little thing that I have held in or ignored or blown off previously turns me into one on-edge son-of-a-bitch. Just give him space, and leave him be.

I heard that the great HST had these problems on occasion. It's been told that some magic mushrooms or a couple of hits of acid and he'd turn right around. Unfortunately this is a work week, and I don't have access to those things. So I went on a bike ride. 4 grueling miles at top speed with Orgy blaring in my ears in attempt to burn off all of the rage. But then, as I feel exhausted and hurt and exalted from the ride, it returns. I have to go home. not to my house, or my anything. I have to return to my parent's house and their rules and my tiny, shitty, hot bedroom. Mostly I view it as a safe haven. No matter how scary or weird or drunk or wrong things get, as long as I can make it back to my room everything will be okay. But it's not like that anymore.



How the Fuck am I supposed to stay sane?


I'm okay with being lonely. I've always got voices to talk to. I'm okay with being miserable. I was born to be down. But I need my sanity. It's the only way I can get away with being weird. Absolute credibility. Crazy people don't have it. Hunter had it, and for the most part so do I. But without a safe, happy place I can never turn off. I'll end up strung out, talking to myself in front of people, and acting in an uncomfortably bizarre fashion. My liver is giving me hell lately, which means I'm either gonna have to get onto the wagon soon, or die. Right now it's a coin toss, but I'm leaning in favor of

Cheers,
The Captain

It's Here...

At long last, the new Johnny The Homicidal Maniac has arrived. I humbly give you JTHM #6

Captain's notes:
When I first started this comic it was around July of 2006. That was a damn long time ago. But I' have recovered from my bout of sanity, and I'm doing much better. You will probably notice that the background of this comic is an American Flag. I want to testify that I am proud to be an American, and I bear no ill will to the country that I have been born in. It just seemed fitting at the time. Since then, I have struggled with the idea because I do not want to seem unpatriotic. So the best solution to the date of release was to cover it up with blood spots, and that is how it stands. I have since begun working in another issue, so don't worry. It's not going to be another 2 years + (damn that's a long time.)

Cheers,
The Captain

The Madness

I woke up smelling like her. I should have, I was in her bed. I wasn't sure how I had gotten there, but I didn't want to leave. Things are like that, with her. Never knowing what to expect. Instead of going from A to B she rakes the entire alphabet against my spine, and I am grateful just to smell her. For someone who is almost in control all the time, it is maddening. For her attention I would fight battles or destroy planets. None of that makes any difference to her. She doesn't want me the way I want her, and yet she hangs it out in front of me. Turning me into a dog, salivating at the sound of a bell in some sort of sick pavlovian experament. And I will bark, I will run. As if written in stone a million years ago, unweathered or faded by time. I can't have her, so close to my chest. I don't want anything to do with her until there is a chance. That I might smell her perfume, heroin, in my nostrils and in my veins. A poison in my heart. I poison myself and she is too cruel to even delight in my pain...

Annie Very Sorry

I know it's not actually the ...what? Fourth? anniversary...? Geez. This also marks the third time the web services fees have bounced and turned this 8o dollar annual project into a 300 dollar annual project. Time to reflect on the past year and blah blah blah.

• Started a new job at a new sign shop. Still love it, even if the daily grind wears at me like a desert storm.
• Sucessfully got into 2 serious relationships, and blew bot of them.
• Collected over 400 tons of booty
• Saw Clutch, Helmet, Flogging Molly, and didn't get kicked out of any shows.
• Completed 0 JTHM comics, but I'm working on 2.
• Made it to ZCon
• gained 0 members, lost 0

• Started cycling, love to pedal, hate my bike

My digital camera broke a couple of weeks ago, and now I have to revert to my old one, that is the size of a brick. Break Stuff, anyone?

I'm not really sure what this site means to me, or whatever. I'm keeping it alive, but I don't even go back and read any of my old posts. not recently, anyway. I work at a decent place, where I can share some of my feelings. So I don't need this place as much. but it's nice to have to come to, from time to time. Not exactly the best anniversary speech, but I think I'm dying.

Cheers,
The Captain